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Aug 14, 2019

Do me a favor and read this quote out load:

“You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” ~Brene Brown

We are all perfectly imperfect just as we are. Yes, it’s the truth. Sometimes hard to accept, but always a fact. Trust me. I’ve tried, and perfection isn’t my strength.

I was the little girl who wanted to know how to play the drums at my first lesson, how to roller skate the first time I tried, or how to bake a chocolate cake at my first cooking class.

I’ve always wanted to do it right the first time.

On the one hand, I appreciate my intention to do and be my best at whatever I do, but on the other hand, I see how this mentality has often paralyzed my efforts and prevented me from daring and learning to be great. The one practice I’ve committed to in my adult life, where I’ve been willing to be less than perfect, and continue to embrace each day, is meditation.

The meditative quality, the deep breath, the stillness all resonate with me and reminds me to be where and who I am, in each moment.

It’s been ten years now since I began my daily meditation to release the tension in my life that was triggering chronic depression, anxiety, and stress in my career as a staffing professional.

I felt transformed after my very first meditation class and just knew that I would grow and expand with my practice.

In the beginning, most of my transformation was physical; feeling more relaxed, open, and energized. In recent years, my practice has guided me to expand my perspective, and I find myself open to understanding life’s lessons.

I’m discovering new ways of being still, valued, and seen.

Just two months ago, I had a revelation. I was communicating with one of my mentors, who is an incredible listener, understands why I was continually feeling challenged in my relationships work and personal. Together, we realized that I was creating the same expectations of perfection for them as I had carried for myself since childhood. What a revolution for me.

A memory surfaced: me, around twelve years old, sharing my report card with my stepmother, who was a teacher.

“Why are they not all As?” she questioned unapologetically.

I glanced at my grades, noticing that I’d earned six As and one B+, and said, “I did my best.”

“I expect all as next time,” she firmly said.

“I’ll do better,” I submissively responded.

And this stuck. The need to do better than my best. The desire to be better than me. I wanted my step mother’s approval. I wanted to love, acceptance, and encouragement. I wanted attention. And so, I worked even harder and earned a 4.0 GPA each quarter.

But you know what? It was never enough. I never felt sufficient. I never could earn the love and attention that I desperately craved from her.

I needed to look within myself. Now, some 43 years later, I’m still struggling with my tendency toward perfectionism and acceptance of me.

This insight of me is life-changing. A chance to understand me better. A reflection of how and why I choose to think and act the way I do — an opportunity to acknowledge that I’ve associated being perfect with being lovable, funny, and sincere.

Now, without judgment or criticism for myself or my stepmother, I have the choice, the strength to change. So, I can choose to shift my perspective and tell a new story. I want to embrace the new truth. Imperfection is ok.

We are perfecting. And who wants to be perfect anyway? How boring would that be? The most fun is in the growing, in the learnings and becoming ever more who we are. I release the need to be perfect, to continually achieve, do more, handle every task on my to-do list immediately. I allow myself to be more present, to be still, to remember what matters most: ME

We are all worthy of love, acceptance, being heard, and seen. We belong, be recognized in life, and have meaning, give yourself permission to take it easy and be.

Every beautiful journey and inspiring transformation begins with an intention and moving in the direction of where you hope to be.

Wishing you ease in loving and freedom to be just who you are.

Be Human. Be perfectly imperfect. Let yourself be.

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